I'm Not So Keen On People

I don’t really like people. And I stopped painting them closely because they’re stupid. It probably shouldn’t be a factor I know, but hey –I’m only human.

-What are you painting?
-This.
-All I can see is brown.
-Well, when you think about it, isn’t everything brown?

• -Is that supposed to be that over there?
• -Why don’t you put that tree in it?
• -My daughter is a great artist.
• -Did you mean to do that line there like that?


• -I wish I could paint.
• -Have you seen that guy who paints planets with car paints?
• -It must be very relaxing to paint.
• -It’s very detailed.

-I want to commission you to do me a painting.
-Okay.
-I want it to be dark.
-Okay.
-Very dark.
-Okay.
-I want it to be black.
-I’m happy to do that for you but it would be a lot cheaper if you just painted it yourself.
-Well maybe a little bit of color as well as the black.

• -My son is very good at drawing pictures.
• -You’re very like Van Gogh.
• -Why do you paint pictures like that?
• -Can you do caricatures?


• -Why don’t you paint nice pictures?
• -I wish I had time to paint.
• -Why don’t you put that dog in it?
• -Have you heard of Bob Ross?


• -I used to be very good at art.
• -Why are you painting the sky brown?
• -Just as a matter of interest, why are you not including that car in the painting?

-Will you do a portrait of me with my husband? And could you put the kids in it too?
-Sure, but you do realize that the finished painting will be abstract.
-Cool! So we’ll all look colorful like those Van Gogh pictures, or have contorted facial features like our nose viewed from the side when our face is viewed from the front?
-No, you won’t have any facial features, you’ll be pure black, and you’ll look like a bunch of shapes like those Suprematism pictures.
-Oh.

• -Can I ask you why you’re painting the street brown when it’s a blacktop?
• -I wish you could see the pictures my wife paints?
• -Does the smell of the paints not bother you?


• -Do you mind if I ask you why you’re using that size brush now?
• -Why don’t you paint real pictures?
• -I like your work; I think you’d love my wife.


• -Why are you painting outdoors when all you’re painting is shapes?
• -Why are you painting that building when the pretty one is over there?
• -Do you find it therapeutic to paint?


• -Are you not putting any clouds in?
• -Do you do portraits?
• -You know what you should do?

Paul Dorrell says:

Later, when you're more open-minded, qualified opinions about your work will matter, and you'll have to learn to listen to them.