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Friday, April 15, 2005

I'm Not So Keen On People

I don’t really like people. And I stopped painting them closely because they’re stupid. It probably shouldn’t be a factor I know, but hey –I’m only human.

-What are you painting?
-This.
-All I can see is brown.
-Well, when you think about it, isn’t everything brown?

  • -Is that supposed to be that over there?
  • -Why don’t you put that tree in it?
  • -My daughter is a great artist.
  • -Did you mean to do that line there like that?

  • -I wish I could paint.
  • -Have you seen that guy who paints planets with car paints?
  • -It must be very relaxing to paint.
  • -It’s very detailed.

-I want to commission you to do me a painting.
-Okay.
-I want it to be dark.
-Okay.
-Very dark.
-Okay.
-I want it to be black.
-I’m happy to do that for you but it would be a lot cheaper if you just painted it yourself.
-Well maybe a little bit of color as well as the black.

  • -My son is very good at drawing pictures.
  • -You’re very like Van Gogh.
  • -Why do you paint pictures like that?
  • -Can you do caricatures?

  • -Why don’t you paint nice pictures?
  • -I wish I had time to paint.
  • -Why don’t you put that dog in it?
  • -Have you heard of Bob Ross?

  • -I used to be very good at art.
  • -Why are you painting the sky brown?
  • -Just as a matter of interest, why are you not including that car in the painting?

-Will you do a portrait of me with my husband? And could you put the kids in it too?
-Sure, but you do realize that the finished painting will be abstract.
-Cool! So we’ll all look colorful like those Van Gogh pictures, or have contorted facial features like our nose viewed from the side when our face is viewed from the front?
-No, you won’t have any facial features, you’ll be pure black, and you’ll look like a bunch of shapes like those Suprematism pictures.
-Oh.

  • -Can I ask you why you’re painting the street brown when it’s a blacktop?
  • -I wish you could see the pictures my wife paints?
  • -Does the smell of the paints not bother you?

  • -Do you mind if I ask you why you’re using that size brush now?
  • -Why don’t you paint real pictures?
  • -I like your work; I think you’d love my wife.

  • -Why are you painting outdoors when all you’re painting is shapes?
  • -Why are you painting that building when the pretty one is over there?
  • -Do you find it therapeutic to paint?

  • -Are you not putting any clouds in?
  • -Do you do portraits?
  • -You know what you should do?

Paul Dorrell says:

Later, when you're more open-minded, qualified opinions about your work will matter, and you'll have to learn to listen to them.

2 Comments:

At 4:30 PM, Blogger Elise Tomlinson said...

That's sooooo funny. I've only painted outdoors once, as part of a quick draw charity event and the announcers kept telling the public not to talk to the artists since we only had an hour to work and the kinds of things people said to me really blew me away! Seems I'm not the only one.

 
At 5:33 PM, Anonymous Shannon Seachrist said...

I fully agree with you! Why is it that every idiot in the world, thinks that they're a great art critic, when most of them don't know a thing about what you're doing?? I do seascapes, and I love them, so all my sister wants to know, is why I don't do contemporary work...ugh! I feel your pain, and will never paint a portrait for that reason. :) I suggest books on tape. You can listen to a great story, and you don't have to respond. :)

 

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