Wet Canvas Dreams

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Sunday, March 13, 2005

A Need to Paint

My house is not the least impressive in the neighborhood. Come the good weather and I might paint it since I have the paint. It came with the house. White basically. A part of me wants to paint a large orange square on the outside of my
house. And a smaller purple one. Might get a citation from the city though.

Some paintings are up on my brightly painted walls. House becomes a home. Fridge is bare. Fridge is big. Fridge is expensive to fill.

Life is quite similar for me as it was in the months before I left home. Episodic. Uncertain. Expensive. Phone calls today included arranging my own show. Hard to talk with a headache. Need eggs to make the headaches go away. Pile of eggshells outside my front door. Gives a lived in appearance to my house.

The grass is cut. And so is the bush. The grackles arrived early yesterday to polka dot the green-ness. I felt sorry for the early worms.

People have given me beds. I don't need any more. People have given me mugs. Can I ever hope to use thirty-five? Maybe if I get sick and don't wash the dishes for a week. I could probably then tell the time by the mug I was using. My own mugs are in storage in field in another state.

When I make the next payment on the house I will have no money. A lawyer yesterday asked me how I spend my days. Given that it had taken him a wk to return my call I told him I spend half my day waiting for calls, and then I count my money. I told him it doesn't take very long.

I stopped by a gallery yesterday. This is a different world. None of the paintings were like mine. Not even the abstract ones. Became self-conscious of the green and red paint unwashed from my hands.

A friend knocks on my door. I want to paint and not spend money on beer. He will horribly generously offer to pay so how then do I turn him down?
-Do you want to come out tonight?
-I can’t; I’ve no money and no pants.

Paul Dorrell reminds us that "nobody needs your work; when you're unknown, no one wants it"


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